Zeus demanded that I be as thorough as possible when recounting my tale, and since he was watching my journey all the way from Olympus, it means I won’t be able to pretend this part of my trials didn’t happen. Perhaps I can at least convince him to take the first of my embarrassing incidents out, since it didn’t happen during a pivotal moment.

Anyways, where was I? Oh, yes, I had just recently arrived at Camp Half-Blood, just after being cast out from my home and having my powers stripped. Oh, and I was a teenager. Fun. I had just met my son, Will, and his boyfriend, Nico.

“Yo, doofus!” Came the whiney voice of Meg, my annoying companion. “Do you know where the bathrooms are? I gotta pee.”

I rolled my eyes at her brash phrasing. “I’ve only been here once recently, and it was very brief, so you’ll hopefully forgive me for not remembering where the bathrooms are.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You could just say no.”

Will, who was standing nearby, talking to Nico, came over to us. “I can show you where it is, Meg.”

“Thanks. You wanna come with, Apollo? You haven’t gone since I found you.”

“I’m a god. We don’t do your disgusting… processes.”

Meg seemed to accept that as an answer, albeit with an eye roll. Will, however, raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure you still don’t? All in all, you seem mostly human.”

“Um, I think I know my body better than you do.”

“Okay, okay.” He threw his hands up. “I was just trying to help.”

“Can you guys hurry it up!?” We looked back to Meg. “I haven't peed since I was at Percy’s apartment.”

Will chuckled. “Sorry. Let's get you to the bathroom. Nico, make sure Apollo doesn't burn the cabins down while I'm gone.”

“What!?” Nico and I said in unison as the other two walked away.

“Sorry, can’t hear you, babe! Be right back!” He said sarcastically.

Nico pouted, rolling his eyes. He looked at me for a second before turning his head away awkwardly. Uninterested in hanging out with my son’s edgy partner, I walked away when I was sure he wasn’t paying attention. With nothing better to do, I headed to the forest. (Not that I planned to go far, not after my traumatizing experience on my way here.) As I did so, I began feeling something strange from my inside. I think it was coming from my stomach area? I don’t understand how mortal biology works.

Anyway, after I arrived at the woods, I sat in front of a tree, facing away from the camp, and just… thought. Not about something in particular, just, everything. Actually, I wasn’t really used to thinking. Like, at all. A lot of things were changing, in comparison to how my life had been mostly the same for the past few thousand years.

I groaned, the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach increasing. Perhaps experiencing mortal food and drinks for the first time was affecting me. Moving my body from side to side seemed to help, if only a little, so I kept doing that. I swore I had seen these symptoms before, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

A few minutes later, I heard Will calling my name from far away. I sighed and got up. I went around the tree and approached him.

“Apollo!” He shouted. “Why did you run off from Nico!?”

I scoffed. “I do not play by your rules. I’m Apo—”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re a god. But while you’re here you gotta— Why are you squirming?”

“I think I have… some kind of medical issue. Your food must have done something to my freshly mortal body!” I flayed my arms around dramatically.

“Just calm down, okay? Let’s get you to the infirmary.”

I nodded and followed him there. I found it increasingly difficult to walk. It was like something was weighing me down from the inside.

When we arrived, he sat me down on a bed and put a bunch of medical tools on my skin. The metal felt cold on my skin. After a bunch of wincing and whining from me, he eventually finished his examination.

“Well, bad news–”

“Oh no.” Panic rushed through my body.

“You’re completely healthy!” He said with a big smile.

I frowned. “I feel the need to remind you that I will become a god again one day.”

“Sorry. Doctor joke.”

I sighed. My legs were beginning to bounce up and down without my consent. “So what’s wrong with me?”

His body language appeared nervous. “I’m pretty sure you have to use the bathroom.”

“What!? Ridiculous! I’m a go— AH!” A jolt of pain shot through my body. I crossed my legs and it seemed to mostly subside.

“Still seems ridiculous?” He said in a sarcastic voice with his arms crossed.

“N-no.” I stuttered. “Come to think of it, these symptoms do feel… familiar. Is there a bathroom in here?” I looked around the room desperately.

“Not unless you count a bedpan as a bathroom. Do you want—”

“NO! I still have some dignity left.”

“Alright, jeez! It was just a suggestion. Let’s get you to the bathroom.” He helped me off the bed and led me out of the infirmary.

As we walked, my… “bladder,” apparently, felt extremely full. On our way there, we encountered Nico. The black-haired boy looked at me, visibly confused. “Uh, what’s wrong with him?”

“Turns out he does need to use the bathroom. I’m taking him there now.”

Nico scratched his head. “Right. And you’re with him because?”

“He doesn’t know where it is.”

“Er, Will?” I butted in.

“Just give me a second, Apollo.”

They talked for a minute while I suffered in silence. I swear, if he weren't my own kin, I would probably have him struck down the second I became a God again. I thought for a moment. Maybe I could strike down Nico… Nah, Hades would just maim Will to get back at me. Suddenly, a little bit of pee came out of my, making me squeak. Will looked at me strangely.

I perked up again. “Bathroom. Now!” I said, being all I could manage in my desperate state.

“Oh gods, alright. It’s just around the corner here.” Will gave Nico a quick kiss on the cheek before guiding me around said corner, and the bathroom was soon in sight. I would’ve run right inside, but I’m pretty sure all of my waste would’ve soaked the grass below right then and there if I did.

I entered the bathroom and was devastated to see that all of the stall doors were locked. Another leak escaped my body, and I shoved my hands into my crotch. “Oof,” Will said sympathetically. “You can hold it, though, right?”

“No!” I shouted dramatically. Against my will, my bladder muscles relaxed, and I began peeing full-force. My underwear was soon soaked through and started showing on my pants, with me also creating a puddle on the wooden floor. I felt my son's eyes watching as I humiliated myself, and all I could manage was a whimper.

At some point Will looked away, most likely to let me keep some semblance of dignity, but that was long gone. One of the campers came out of the stall and looked bemused at a former god peeing himself. They didn’t say anything, but they let out a small giggle as they walked out.

-

Meg started laughing maniacly. “So you peed your pants!?”

I blushed furiously, now in freshly changed pants. “Shut your mouth! Besides, I’m sure you’ve peed yourself before!”

“Yeah, but I’m a twelve-year-old human, you’re an immortal god!”

Rolling my eyes, I walked away and she continued laughing, apparently amused by my humiliation.